I don’t know that I’ve ever felt like such a failure as I do right now. Today was a huge wake up call that I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like everything I’ve tried to do in my calling for the last month has been wrong, and I don’t really know how to move forward. The things I felt inspired to do have only brought frustration and confusion, and anger, really, to those I was just trying to help.
I don’t doubt that the Lord called me as I felt like I could see the steps that were in place to prepare me for this, but it is really hard to actually do it. I don’t even think Junior High was as hard as this… I feel like so many people are just mad and frustrated and disappointed in me. I know its not a popularity contest or anything like that. I just wish something that I felt inspired to instigate would actually benefit someone or make them happy.
And to top it all off… Nigel beat me at the board game Mr. Jack tonight. Ya, I’d say failure.